Talked over in shops, patronised by doctors, 'aged out' of jobs, and spoken to slowly and loudly as if 60 meant deaf and daft. Many older people say the worst part of getting older isn't the body — it's becoming invisible. Is society quietly writing people off the moment they hit 60? Or is this just how every generation has felt about getting older?
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Add your commentI ran a department of 60 people. Now a 24 year old in a shop talks to my daughter ABOUT me while I'm standing right there. 'Does she want a bag?' SHE is right here. SHE can hear you. The invisibility is the cruellest part of all of it.
my dad went from 'sir' to 'young man' in a sarcastic voice at the GP in about a decade and it crushed something in him. he stopped speaking up at appointments. then they missed something serious because he'd gone quiet. invisibility kills, literally
the loneliest sentence in the english language is 'i went a whole week and the only person who spoke to me was the self-checkout telling me there was an unexpected item.' that's my mother's life now and it haunts me
Got 'aged out' at 58. 'Restructuring,' they called it. Thirty years of loyalty and they replaced me with two graduates on half my wage who Google what I knew by heart. I wasn't past it. I was just expensive.
Here's a challenge for everyone reading, any age: this week, ask an older person their OPINION about something real and then actually listen. Not 'how are you keeping.' Their view. Watch them come back to life in front of you. That's the cure, and it's free.
I work in a care home. The thing the residents grieve isn't their bodies. It's that no one asks their OPINION anymore. People who ran towns, raised armies of kids, survived wars — and now nobody asks what they think about anything. We waste them.
Every single person mocking 'old people' is just future-old people who haven't done the maths. You are not a separate species. You are us, with a delay. Be kind to who you're becoming.
There's truth in that, but there's a difference between 'less central' and 'spoken to like a toddler at the doctor's.' I lost my husband, not my IQ. Stop explaining my own prescription to my son instead of me.
I'm a doctor, 44, and this thread is a gut-punch I needed. We're trained for efficiency and we forget the person. I'm going to look my older patients in the eye tomorrow and slow down for the RIGHT reason. Thank you for the mirror.
I'm 31 and I'll hold my hand up — I used to do the loud-slow voice without thinking. My nan finally snapped 'I'm old, not stupid, and not deaf,' and I've never done it since. Sometimes we genuinely don't realise. Tell us off. We need it.
My grandfather fought in a war this country still thanks him for once a year, then ignores for the other 364 days. The annual two minutes of 'respect' almost makes the invisibility worse. Respect him on a Tuesday in March.
Easy to 'decline invisibility' when your hips, your savings and your husband are all still working. Try it after a stroke, on a pension, alone. For some it's a mindset. For others it's a wall. Don't lecture the ones who hit the wall.
The dating world after 60 is its own special invisibility. Apparently I went from 'woman' to 'someone's gran' overnight. I still feel 30 inside and the mirror and the world both disagree, loudly.
My mum's 82 and sharper than my whole office. She just talks slower. People mistake the speed of the speech for the speed of the mind and write off a genius because she takes a breath mid-sentence.
Adapt to WHAT exactly? An app to park the car, an app to see the doctor, a machine instead of a cashier who'd say good morning. We didn't refuse the world. The world removed all the doors we used to walk through.
Honest pushback: some of this is real ageism, and some of it is the shock of no longer being the centre of the room. Every generation hits 60 and feels the spotlight move on. It moved off MY parents too. It's not all a conspiracy against you specifically.
65 and recently I started saying my opinion out loud in shops, queues, everywhere, with a smile. You would not believe how many people light up. They were waiting to be spoken to as well. We're all invisible to each other now, not just the old.
That's the most hopeful comment here. Most young people aren't cruel, they're just thoughtless, and thoughtless can be FIXED. Cruel can't. There's more hope in this than the thread admits.
67 and I refuse it. I dress sharp, I speak up, I take the gym class with the 20 year olds and I do NOT apologise for taking up space. Invisible is partly a decision and I decline. Some of us shrink and call it society's fault.
Counterpoint nobody likes: some older folks made themselves invisible by refusing to learn, adapt or stay curious, then blamed 'society' for moving on. Staying visible takes effort at every age. It always did.
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